I had a dream when I took a nap today. It was a sad dream. I knew it was a dream yet in the dream I keep hoping that it is true. I keep hoping and hoping. And when I woke up, I feel bad for myself. The feeling of sadness and regret all mixed up. And it's awfully awful.
In the dream I got a note from him saying:
Saya minta maaf atas segalanya.
Lepas balik dari Jordan terus menghilang tanpa khabar berita.
Maafkan saya.
And it did hit me like a stone on the head! Regretfully, I did do that to him. I didn't contacted him at all. He doesn't even had my number. We lost connection until he sent me a message thru Friendster and I was truly happy at that time.After few replies from each other, then he disappear. Later he contacted me(again) by texting. After few replies from each other, then he disappear. He did sent me a message thru Facebook asking me how my raya would be, I replied sarcastically (I always joke around). Then he disappear. And each time after his disappearance. I did nothing. All I did was sit back, hoping and waiting.
To think back about it again, I realized that I never made any effort at all. I am the one at fault. And my biggest mistake was during that time when I finish study, and meanly decided not to contact him at all. How cruel of me. I neglected him. Yet I'd hope he would contact me. I am officially declaring. I AM HOPELESS!
And the dream sort of pointed it all back to me. If I hadn't neglect him at that time, this won't happen. He wouldn't bother looking around for girls and found her. I never have thought about this before.
Would've should've could've... but didn't. Again???!!!!
Oh I really hate this feeling. And when I woke up, how I wish I could go back to that time and fix everything. Now that he belongs to someone else, I want him back.
I thought I was already recovered. I thought I am fine now. And I thought I had let it all go.
But I am not okay.
And I am certainly are not fine.
And I am still trying hard to let it go.
Luv,
℘
No comments:
Post a Comment