Plan

وَمَكَرُواْ وَمَكَرَ اللّهُ وَاللّهُ خَيْرُ الْمَاكِرِين
And they planned, but Allah planned. 
And Allah is the best of planners

O Allah

O ALLAH,

If he’s meant for me
and i meant for him
Let us be together through ijabkabul.

O ALLAH,
If we are not meant to be together
Please avoid us from
seeing one another.

O ALLAH
If he’s the right person for me
let his iman be the one that I adores
and let him make my way easier to Jannah.

O ALLAH
If he’s the wrong person for me,
show him the right way
so that he can lead others instead.

Decorate

Decorate - Yuna

So you decided to see me out of the blue,
should i let you come over?
i think you're doing fine..
that girl in your arms does she know where you come from?

Almost made me move out of town,
you don't want me to be around, i stayed anyway,
just in case...

finding reasons to hate you more than before
like how you said, you would call
but never at all..got rid off your number that i know by heart...

you left your things at my place,
as if i have all the space,cause you know i dont mind
just come back when you think its time..

i'm all black and white inside,
monotonous from left to right
i decorate my house with things you love
just in case, you show up..
in case you show up.

Entry indah...

Bila baca, aku jadi terkedu. I can truly relate my situation... harap-harap, sedikit sebanyak dapat ubat hati yang tengah rawan. Yang masih belum reda kecewanya. Yang belum terubat laranya.

Bloghopping ke blog-blog yang aku normally jadi silent reader je... I came across this entry. Suits me. Suits my situation.

for those who once called lover...

i walk back in time

to the days we were in the same rhyme

they are still clear in my mind..

the days you were my dearest

the days you and me were 'us'

the days you and me were borderless..

but then we were flooded by tears

our love broke into pieces

both our heart felt like stab by spears..

im sorry for things i ve done

im sorry for all the ignorance

im sorry for not becoming what you want.

and let 'us' become undone.

and please, pretty pretty please..

delete me from your most-hated list

and we both may go on in peace.

untuk kamu sayang,

aku pergi dulu, membawa separuh dari kamu bersama aku.

jangan ambil seumur hidup kamu, untuk berusaha memenuhi kembali ruang itu.

maafkanlah aku, bukan untuk aku.tapi untuk kamu.

supaya hati kamu lebih tenang, tanpa benci dan dendam.

supaya hari-hari kamu, membahagiakan setiap zarah tubuh kamu.

supaya mega hitam dihati kamu, berganti salju memutih.

redhakanlah, supaya semua yang menghiris hati kamu pergi.

supaya kamu mampu tersenyum berseri, bila kita jumpa di lain hari.

semoga mimpi kamu malam nanti, buat kamu tak mengharap tibanya pagi.

semoga senyum kamu pagi nanti, seindah pelangi.

semoga lelaki yang menemani kamu nanti, lebih beerti.

semoga dia mendampingimu, sampai akhir hayat nanti.

....><....

Like A Fool

I sit by myself, talking to the moon like a fool.

Finding the star that you could be.

Even if we never talk again, 

please know that I am forever changed because of who you are 

and what you've meant to me. 

I'm sorry. :)

Luv,
℘

Mimpi

Mimpi... boleh percaya ke?

I had a dream when I took a nap today. It was a sad dream. I knew it was a dream yet in the dream I keep hoping that it is true. I keep hoping and hoping. And when I woke up, I feel bad for myself. The feeling of sadness and regret all mixed up. And it's awfully awful.

In the dream I got a note from him saying:

Saya minta maaf atas segalanya.
Lepas balik dari Jordan terus menghilang tanpa khabar berita.
Maafkan saya.


And it did hit me like a stone on the head! Regretfully, I did do that to him. I didn't contacted him at all. He doesn't even had my number. We lost connection until he sent me a message thru Friendster and I was truly happy at that time.After few replies from each other, then he disappear. Later he contacted me(again) by texting. After few replies from each other, then he disappear. He did sent me a message thru Facebook asking me how my raya would be, I replied sarcastically (I always joke around). Then he disappear. And each time after his disappearance. I did nothing. All I did was sit back, hoping and waiting.

To think back about it again, I realized that I never made any effort at all. I am the one at fault. And my biggest mistake was during that time when I finish study, and meanly decided not to contact him at all. How cruel of me. I neglected him. Yet I'd hope he would contact me. I am officially declaring. I AM HOPELESS!
And the dream sort of pointed it all back to me. If I hadn't neglect him at that time, this won't happen. He wouldn't bother looking around for girls and found her. I never have thought about this before.

Would've should've could've... but didn't. Again???!!!!

Oh I really hate this feeling. And when I woke up, how I wish I could go back to that time and fix everything. Now that he belongs to someone else, I want him back.

I thought I was already recovered. I thought I am fine now. And I thought I had let it all go.



But I am not okay.

And I am certainly are not fine.

And I am still trying hard to let it go.



Luv,
℘

28 Days

Why 28?

I watched somewhere on the television the other day that:

"It'd took 28 days to break a habit"


I'm not sure if it is a korean or english movie/drama, but it suddenly catches my attention. You know, I have tonnes of very very bad habits that I want to break. And after knowing that fact, I decided to challenge myself and try out. Sees how it goes. Hmmm... can I???

My bad habits are:
☹I have a very very bad sleeping habits.
When I'm not working, I tend to sleep so late that 2:00 am would be my average time to sleep. 12 is very early for me and 3:00 am would be the latest. Not to mention that I would normally wake up as late as 10:00 am on Saturdays and Sundays.
And when I'm working, I would try to sleep as early as 12:00 am but it seldomly worked. I'd still falls asleep late, and would woke up late, sometimes by 6:00 am or 6:30 am( very late) when I am supposed to start driving out to school by 6:30. It's gotten very worst recently. For example, today, I already awake by 6:00 am, yet I fall asleep some more and ended waking up by 6:35!!! And it's not okay. I missed my Subuh prayer, I bath like a bird[???], and I drove speedingly. Arrived school by 7:30am when school started at 7:30!!! Bad, bad teacher!

It's not good because it affect my outcome. My works. I won't be at my 100% performance. I would be very moody, and I tend to let my ridiculous anger towards my precious students. Haish!!!

Well, that's not all of it, but I guess I'd have to be trying little by little. It is my first try anyways.

So, the 28 days challenge would begin tomorrow, since tomorrow is the beginning of end of year school break. Here they are.

28 Days To-be Habits Challenge:
☺ Sleeps by 11:00 pm everyday
☺ Wake up by 5:00 am every day
☺ Exercise for 90 minutes in the morning
☺ Exercise for 60 minutes in the evening
☺ Shake every morning and every night
☺ Read Al-Ma'thurat after Subuh & Asar Prayer 




It's already 10:30 pm and I'm still typing.
Keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow.
Wish me luck!


Luv,
℘

Sadist

It's kinda creepy, you know... To think that a very kind-hearted, loving, caring and respectful person could become such a sadist person. I have always respect him, look up to him because he is my leader. I love him for his fatherly role-model towards me. But then again, there's no such thing as a perfect person, isn't it. There's a negative side for him too, and he himself admittedly saying, " You know, I am very nice to people, but what went wrong was people took advantage of my kindness. Eventually, they stepped on my head."

"I am a very sadist person. When people mistreated me, I'd love to see them suffer."

I was very surprise at first. Seriously. If you don't know him, people might think that he is sick. Sick as in psychotic.

But if you think again, just try to put yourself in his shoes. Maybe he bursted and cursed all out today because he couldn't take the pressure. It's just to much. I pity him. I myself can relate to him in this kind of situation looking back to my school days. I was a head prefect. I know it is nothing to be compared to him, but I know how does it feels to have people who work under you, disobey your words, your rules. It was terrible when they did the impossibles, things that they knew you prohibited, yet they did it. It's easy to conclude. It's like an action to represent their disrespectfulness towards you.

I have worked under 3 headmasters and I think he is the best one I have ever work with so far. If you ever been in his office, you will see how hardworking he is, how he never rest, and I would tell myself that I would never try on becoming a headmistress. Looking at all his pile of work and responsibilities, I wouldn't dare. I don't think I would ever become a very good and hardworking leader as he is. Suits his name's meaning : "Continuous kindness."

I pray that Allah would bless him with good health, and give him the patience. So he would always be who he always is. The one who inspire. The one who always have a warm smile. The one I look up to the most.

There goes my boss, a man full with a caring heart, warm, kind, trustworthy, very responsible, hardworking, but... sadist.

G e m a w a n

Mudah sekali berubah hati
Walau kasih kita termeteri

Wajahnya kembali bertakhta di hati
Saat bahagia kita 'kan pergi

Mudahnya kau berperi
Cinta bertamu lagi
Gemawan kasihku mendung lagi

Akan tiba hari
Kau merisik kembali
Mendung kini raja di hati ini

Senja yang menanti
Sendiri ku terpinggir
Mentari pun berlabuh lagi

Luputlah memori
Berkubur dalam mimpi
Mendung kini berarak pergi

Walau pedih kembaraku sendiri
Ku masih menanti
Gemawan ku pergi
Bahagia kembali

Pure Compliment from a 9 year old

Had nice feeling today when I heard from one of my student, "Ustazah, kan best kalau saya ada emak yang cantik macam ustazah..."

Translation: "Teacher, I wish I have a mother as beautiful as you are"

Looking to her innocent eyes, I know she was just trying to be a sweetheart, but it's okay. You made my day, Saidatul ^_^

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Perempuan Berkalung Sorban

Release Date :15 January 2009

Origin : Indonesia
Genre :Drama
Director :Hanung Bramantyo
Starring:Revalina S. Temat,Joshua Pandelaki,Widyawati,
Oka Antara,Reza Rahadian,Ida leman

Synopsis : This is a story of a woman, a Kyai Salafiah daughter and a wife. Anissa (Revalina S Temat), a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman. Anissa lives in the family environment Kyai daughter in boarding Salafiah school Al Huda, the conservative East Java. For pure science and the Koran is just right, Hadist and Sunnah. Modern books considered deviant.

In the conservative boarding school Al-Huda, women are taught how to become a true Muslimah, which makes Anissa misunderstands the thoughts that Islam only defended men, women are very weak and felt injustice inside.

But Anissa's protests were always considered a small child. Only Khudori (Oka Antara), uncle of the mother, truly understands Anissa. Always there to accompany her and listens. Anissa secretly have a crush towards Khudori. But love is not that easy when Khudori realize himself as Khudori still have close relationships with family of Kyai Hanan (Joshua Pandelaky), although not related by blood. This is always makes him tries to kill his love towards Anissa. Until finally Khudori went to further his study in Cairo, Egypt. Secretly Anissa applied for a spot in Jogja as a student and got accepted but her father, Kyai Hanan disapprove for the reasons of a possibility of causing a scandal, when an  unmarried woman should not be far alone from the parents. Anissa whimper of protest for an unacceptable reasons given by her father, and starts comparing his different judgement towards her two brothers that went abroad to Madinah to study. In her mind, if they can, why can't her?

Finally Anissa unwillingly married Samsudin (Reza Rahadian), a son of Kyai salaf pesantren in East Java. Even when she rebels of disapproval, the wedding was held. Unfortunately, Samsudin was not a perfect husband as he seems outside. She spent the entire marriage in cries and fear of him. Samsudin later even married another woman, Kalsum (Francine Roosenda). Hopes to become an independent Muslim women for Anissa instantaneously collapse.

In the very same time, Khudori returns from Cairo and met again with Anissa. Both are equally in love with each other...

Edited version of googled translated synopsis from Uncle Wiki =p

Watched this today. Interesting movie.

Yeay! New Blackie Layout!

yea... after numbers of effort in editing my own blogger template, I finally succeeded in making one... of my own style! Totally satisfied.. at least  for the time being.

Can't believe that I even thought of paying someone to do it for me!

Suddenly I feel very excited on updating my peachy blog regularly. Well hopefully!


As you can see... I am one dark girl, ain't I?

Kemanisan Iman

Tiga perkara yang sesiapa melakukannya akan mendapat kemanisan iman; Mencintai Allah SWT dan Rasulullah SAW melebihi segala-galanya, mencintai seseorang semata-mata kerana Allah SWT dan benci untuk kembali kepada kekufuran seperti dia benci dicampakkan ke dalam neraka.

(Bukhari dan Muslim)

Kerinduan demi kerinduan silih berganti!
Sungguh kerinduan itu amat pahit bagi yang mengerti...
Seringkali kerinduan bertandang menguji diri...

Ya Allah! usah Kau biarkan diriku sendiri
Janganlah kerinduan-kerinduan ini melebihi rinduku padaMU Ilahi!

Redha. Sabar. Tawakkal.

Kadang-kadang ada certain-certain benda yang kita harapkan tak betul. Padahal kita dah tahu itulah realitinya. Tapi kita degil. Kita nak jugak percaya apa yang kita ingin. Walaupun itu realiti, kita tetap nak berharap. Kita tetap harap yang ia cuma mimpi. Kita harap yang orang sekeliling bergurau. Berkomplot secara berjemaah. Nak buat kita susah hati. Nak buat kita sedih.

Kita harapkan dalam berita sedih dan buruk itu ada "happy ending". Nak taknak jauh di sudut hati kita, kita tetap berharap. Kita harap ia takkan jadi kenyataan.

Degil betul!!!

Tapi pada akhirnya... APA YANG HARUS DIHADAPI, MAKA HADAPILAH.

Akhirnya, pada 13 November 2011 ini, baru aku berani terima kenyataan. Baru aku redha untuk terima takdir Allah untuk aku. Aku perlu berada di bumi yang nyata. Yang jauh dari angan-angan. Alhamdulillah Allah tak biarkan aku hidup dalam tanda tanya lagi. Tak biar aku tertunggu-tunggu lagi. Barangkali apa yang aku harapkan itu, bukanlah yang terbaik untukku.

Firman Allah: "... dan sampaikanlah khabar yang gembira untuk orang-orang yang sabar"

Ya Allah, moga aku tetap sabar menunggu khabar gembiraMu itu.

Bismillahi tawakkaltu 'ala Allah~

Last Concert by Lee Seung Chul

First heard this song on Family Outing Season 1 and definitely melted! I fell in love with this song even when it was sang by funny Jae Suk! Then I found the real version on Youtube and although I couldn't really relate to what it's all actually about, since I don't speak Korean, still I'm totally mesmerized by its melody and Lee Seung Chul's beautiful voice. Great piece!





Jigeum seulpeun nae moseubeun
Moodaedwihan sonyeo....
Aesseo noonmool chameumyeo
Barabogo itne.....

Moodaedwieh ge sonyeoneun
Jakeun uijaeh anja
Dooson gobke moeugo
Barabogo deutne
Naui aegideul oh~~~

Sonyeoneun nadeul algieh
Deo deowook seulpeojineh

Noraeneun jeomjeom heureugo
Sonyeoneun ooleumeul chamji mothae...

Bakkeuro naga beorigo
Noraeneun ggeudi natjiman
Ijen booreuji anheuri ae
Ee seulpeun norae

Eng translation: 

Now, my sad appearance
There is a little girl (at the end of the stage / backstage)
while I do my best to fight the tears
she is staring at me

At the backstage, that little girl
Sitting in a chair
Two tender hands on each other
While she stares and listens
To my story, oh

As the girl gets to know me
She gets more and more (the blues/sad)
Step by step, she gets carried away by the song 
The little girl can't control her weeping
She takes her way outside and leaves me
Although the song came at its end
Now, I won't sing about the past
This sad song

Half of my heart

Half of my heart was wishing it wasn't true
Half of my heart was hoping it would be somebody else
Half of my heart wanted to believe that people are bluffing
Half of my heart wish it wasn't you

But another half knew it is true
Another half knew it was not somebody else
Another half knew that people are not bluffing
Another half knew that it was you.

That day when you decide that it wasn't me
You break my heart into pieces
And took half away.

Secret Sweet Escape. Supposedly secret..

Kali pertama menulis semula dalam blog ni after a very-very long time. Hmmm...beria je semangat nak blog dalam fully bahasa (refer to first 5 words). Tapi as you can see as I would always be...vain.

Gembira sangat2 last weekend. Sebab dapat jumpe balik my long-time-no-see Besterestest Friend. One I can call Sahabat Sejati Dunia Akhirat. InsyaAllah. Sayangku Qasehku Laila. Ye..Laila. Nama nie memang tak boleh buang. Biar pedih luka sedih menghiris jiwa hiba, tetap kau kena guna nama nie. Walaupun aku seorang genius pro dalam memberi nickname for people, tetap lepas kau request aku tukar nama yang lain, aku tetap rasa Laila itu kau. Tiada galang gantinya. Hanya kau seorang.

So after about 3 years, kami ditemukan Allah semula. Syukur alhamdulillah. Dalam keadaan yang baik. Dulu kami berdua adalah student. She was my one year junior(although she is one year older than me). Sekarang aku adalah proudly seorang pendidik. Dan dia juga, cuma aku dah one year established teacher, and she is on her way completing her Master( which I was jealous... at first) before she could serve the nation as a lecturer.

Anyway, it was my first time travelling alone. And I succeeded! Syukur alhamdulillah, nothing bad happen to me on the way to KL and on my way home. So now I am already addicted, so selalulah saya lepak-lepak kat website airasia untuk survey tiket murah.

Still adapting back on blogger mode, so I'll just jot down some note to remember.

1) Met Sarah's friend, Yana yang tunjukkan jalan to LCCT untuk Laila (walaupun sesat jugak...hehehe). She is a very nice girl. Kecil molek orangnya. Sweet. She told Sarah yang I seems to be younger than Sarah. Laila pon cakap yang Sarah is more mature than me[???] Seriously???

2) Met Huda, Laila's room mate yang buat Master also, in Education. Her degree was Psychology, so after listening to Laila's onak ranjua berduri nak siapkan proposal die dalam Quran Sunnah, makes me think twice untuk proceed dlm Syariah. So my second option for Master degree is Education. Huda ni tak cakap banyak. But she responded well bila kite ajak die cakap. Buat hal sendiri je... which for me is a good thing jugak, for a person yang suka privacy. Tapi...

3) First nite tido bilik Laila, tak dapat tido sangat. Asyik tergaru-garu. Tapi bukan nyamuk, sebab takde bunyi. Pelik tapi benar.

4) The activities:

Saturday.
~ Alamanda with Laila and Sarah. I told Laila that I want to eat Nasi Arab. Rindu mau reminisce-reminisce the good old days waktu belajar di Jordan. Reminded us so much about the past. Teringat kat Fryal. Apa khabar agaknya. She shouldve married a Malaysian instead. The jalan-jalan sekejap kat alamanda kene paw dengan budak Sarah belikan comforter, and terpengaruh dengan Laila's obsession on Eco-friendly carrefour bag. Comel sangat. Pink. Also bought my Marie Claire sling bag, yang tinggal last piece. Thank goodness!

~ Then pegi butik Myra. Here borong 4 helai tudung twist XL + satu chilli red plain tudung for Dinner. Spent RM130 here.

~ Sempat balik by 1430, solat zohor kat bilik. Nap (hahah napla sangat kalau tido sampai pukul 5). Penat weh..jalan-jalan.

~ Malam, Laila and I, pegi to Restoran Nu'in Little Perak which Laila proudly claim that they got "Teh Tarik Paling Sedap Di Dunia". Akhirnya baru ku tahu bahawa teh itu jadi sedap di dunia for a reason. Ada manager restoran yang paling "sedap mata mak mertua memandang" di dunia juga. Tapi memang betul. Sangat rajin, cepat bekerja, cepat bertindak. Tapi yang penting, "muka beriman". No wonderla my BFF tertawan. So we spent almost 2hours lepak situ, chitchat sambil memerhatikan si baju hitam. Tetiba ternampak suami Kak Tasha. Dan Adham!!!

~ Spent the nite at Sarah's. Sleep on her bed merasmikan her new dark purplr comforter that I bought her. Bilik kecil yang penuh barang. Asrama yang sunyi seolah-olah takde orang. Creepy.

Sunday.
~ Laila fetch us by 0830 as her schedule goes. Naik train ke Bank Negara. Nak pegi Jalan TAR. Penat. Carik Kak Janah's brown and red tudung. I hate it when people kirim this sort of thing. And I hate that I need to choose. Bought big black tudung syria for myself. Yeay! Mission accomplish. So next time Peach, keep your mouth shut!

~ Lunch kat Secret Recipe. Solaat Zohor kat Sogo, ramainya orang! A culture shock for me! Bak kata Laila, "Bolok". Hahah!

~ Balik semula naik train lagi. I found it fun! Apart from the fact yang I got very annoyed waktu pegi, bile nampak 2 orang lelaki muda yang tak sedar diri bahawa mereka sekarang berada dalam Koc Wanita. Seriously man... Can't you read? Or maybe they was just born with a very thick skin on their face that they don't feel any shame at all.

~ Balik, sudah agak penat. Kemas barang sikit-sikit. Then siap sedia nak pegi Surau An-Nur. We were late for maghrib prayer. Kuliyah Maghrib tentang buku la Tahzan. Solat Isyak.

~ Dinner at BBB Restaurant. Makan Ikan Siakap kukus Limau yang sedap giler! Seriously! Marvelous! Telur bungkus seafood, Kerabu Mangga. Total heaven!

~ Balik, kene siapkan E-laporan and Laila kene baca Tafsir. Ended with me buat sikit je, and Laila tertido. Dahla esok deadline! Man! Sungguh tak seronok!

Monday:
~ Lepas Subuh sempat siapkan E-Laporan before 0930. Then kitorang pegi PKNS. Beli-beli sikit. Lunch yang sangat sedap kat atas PKNS tu. Borong roti gardenia. Sucks! Sebab berat nak mampossss! Again, I should've keep my mouth shut, because I paid for the kgs of the luggage, but they took my kgs, and pay the exact price. Where is the courtesy people??? Bukanla tujuan aku nak berkira sangat, tapi bila part sen-sen pun nak kira, aku pun jadilah berkira. Even RM1 pon mintak balik? This part memang aku terlupa nak bagi balik, coz aku ingatkan die bagi cun-cun harga. Rupa-rupanya ada baki RM1. Honestly, bukan kerana RM1 yang aku kisahkan, cuma budi bahasa. Itu sahaja. Atleast give me that nice feeling yang penat lelah saya carikkan tudung pusing-pusing Jalan TAR, angkat hand luggage dalam plane berebut-rebut dengan orang which I originally shouldn't have, kalau tak angkut roti yang banyak tu...dihargai. Entahla. But I promise myself yang this is the last time I would let people do this to me. At least not by the same person(s).

~ By 1430 siap-siap nak pegi airport to hantar me. Saya adalah sedih. Sempat komplot dengan Huda sorokkan sejadah dan suruh Huda bagi pada Laila bila die balik dar hantar me from LCCT. Huda at first macam pelik-pelik gitu. Tak faham kot. Lawak. Hahah!

Overall, it was a really nice trip. Smooth, sebab ada penjaga masa yang sangat efisyen. I Loike!
Actually I am not really a "jalan-jalan" girl. I am more to relax, read, stay at home girl. So next time pegi, nak lepak-lepak temankan Laila buat research je. InsyaAllah. And be sure to keep it a secret.

Qasehku Laila,
sentiasa di hati,
di sisiku selalu,
dulu... kini...
& selamanya.

Someone Like You

.

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.

I wish nothing but the best for you too.

Don't forget me I beg, I remembered you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love

but sometimes it hurts instead"

.

WINNER VS LOSER

The winner is always part of the answer

The loser is always part of the problem

The winner says, let me do it for you

The loser says, that’s not my job

The winner sees an answer for every problem

The loser sees a problem in every answer

The winner goes through a problem

The loser goes around a problem and never gets to it

The winner says, it may be difficult but it’s possible

The loser says, it may be possible but it’s difficult

The winner thinks, I’m good but not as good as I should or could be

The lose thinks, I’m not as bad as some others

The winner makes commitment

The loser makes promises

The winner focuses the gain

The loser focuses the pain

The winner is like a thermostat

The loser is like a thermometer

The winner makes it happen

The loser let it happen

Quiters never win; Winners never quit

(Author Unknown)

Hari ini...bermula

Today is the beginning of my new life

I am starting over today

All good things are coming to me

I am grateful to be alive

I see beauty all around me

I live with passion and purpose

I take time to laugh and play everyday

I am awake, energized and alive

I focus on all the good things in life

And give thanks for every one of them

I am at peace and one with everything

I feel the love, the joy and the abundance

I am free to be myself

I am magnificence in human form

I am the perfection of life

I AM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ME!

www.thesecret.tv